Wingman
by LadySaxophone
Summary: If Jedi were allowed romantic attachments, what sort of advice would Obi Wan give his apprentice during that mission to protect a certain comely Senator? -oneshot-


Obi Wan and Anakin were in the turbolift ready to start on a fresh new assignment. Obi Wan was the picture of Jedi calm; perfect posture, head held high, a determined look in his eye, and a gentle smile curving his lip.

His apprentice was the opposite.

"Oh calm down, Anakin." The Master said, quirking an eyebrow, "You look fine, and she'll be able to tell you're nervous if you keep this up."

And it was unfortunately true, a non-Force sensitive blind and deaf person would've been able to pick up on the young man's anxiety. He was drenched in sweat, constantly adjusting his tunics and belt, and a twitch was developing in his right eye. He turned to his mentor in annoyance.

"That is the absolute _worst _thing you could have said to me at this moment! Don't they say that you're the master of words?"

Obi Wan studied his fingernails pointedly, "Well, I don't know who _they _are. But my negotiation skills aren't going to be able to cover up the fact that you haven't been this tense since we fell into that nest of gundarks."

Anakin balked, "You fell into that _nightmare_, Master, and I rescued you, remember?"

"Oh...yes." with this Obi Wan began to chuckle slightly which calmed his nearly-having-a-nervous-break-down apprentice a little, or so it seemed. Obi Wan noticed a bead of sweat trickling down the side of Anakin's face.

"You're sweating. Relax, take a deep breath." He instructed, though not without a small comforting smile, and if it was a touch too amused, well Anakin wasn't going to notice in this state.

"I haven't seen her in ten years, Master."

"So you wish to present yourself as a smelly, sweaty boy?"

"NO! No, of course not! Do I...do I really look that sweaty?" The boy questioned anxiously.

"I told you, you look fine...and if she asks just say you came from a sparring match or something."

"I smell, don't I?"

"Even if you did, what could we do about it now?"

"Is it bad?"

"Anakin, I would be able to tell if you-"

"We need to do a smell check right now, Master!"

"Padawan, I don't think-"

"_Please, _Master! This is important to me."

"Anakin, as I've already stated, you do not sme-umph" But the older man couldn't continue as Anakin had embraced him.

"Now inhale, and tell me if it's unbearable."

"And when, exactly, is she going to get this close?" Obi Wan inquired dryly.

"Just do it!"

"Obi? Obi! Mesa so happy to be seein' yousa!" A very familiar and highly annoying voice reached the ears of both Jedi who parted rather hastily, both blushing in extreme embaressment.

Apparently, the door had opened.

Obi Wan put on a tight smile and accepted a way-too-enthusiastic handshake from their mutual old acquantence, Jar Jar Binks.

"Good to see you too, Jar Jar!" He said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. The amphibian motioned for them to follow him. Neither Jedi complied, they had problems of their own.

"So, do I smell?" Anakin hissed once Jar Jar was a good distance ahead of them.

"No! You're _fine_. Just relax, alright?" Obi Wan whispered back.

Jar Jar was so excited that he instantly hurried over to Padme, "Lookee lookee, Senator! He's a Jedi!"

Padme, smiling warmly at her old friends, came forward to meet them. Obi Wan bowed low.

"It is a great pleasure to see you again, M'lady."

Padme reached out and gave his outstretched hand a friendly squeeze.

"It's been _far _too long, Master Kenobi! And may I say congratulations on your marriage! I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend" She eyed the simple gold band that adorned his finger.

Obi Wan smiled and tipped his head to her, "Thank you, Senator. I understand."

Then Padme's warm gaze flickered behind him to his hyperventilating apprentice.

"Ani? My goodness, you've grown!" She commented pleasantly.

"So have you."

Oh. _Oh,_ could he have said anything worse? How many times did he have to tell Anakin to be careful not to imply anything about a woman's weight? It was almost as bad as that pick up line he had about sand...

"Er, more beautiful I mean...For a Senator, I mean." Lovely, now he had basically said that Senators weren't all that nice looking, but at least he had named Padme as the prettiest of them.

Padme, with all the grace of a woman dealing with awkward situations on a daily basis, simply dipped her head and grinned.

"Oh, Ani. You'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."

_Oh dear..._

When Padme's back was turned, Obi Wan gave Anakin a sharp nudge with his elbow.

/For the love of the Force, what possessed you to say that?_/ _Obi Wan sent over the bond along with the feeling of exasperation.

/I was nervous, okay?/

/Clearly/

/She looked so...beautiful.../

On that note, Obi Wan decided it was high time to focus on their actual mission, which was not, contrary to what Anakin may have believed, playing matchmaker with Padme.

"Our presence will be invisible, Milady. I can assure you."

"I am Captain Typho of Her Majesties security service." a young man with an eyepatch responded.

"I am grateful you're here, Master Kenobi. The situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit."

_Well, that would be very like the Padme I remember, _Obi Wan thought,_ wasn't she the fourteen year old queen that planned and led the battle of Naboo?_

"I don't need more security, I need answers." Padme insisted, "I want to know who's trying to kill me.

"We're here to protect you Senator, not to start an investigatio-"

"We will find out who's trying to kill you, Padme. I promise you."

Great. Just great. Did Anakin even _realize_ what kind of situation he'd placed them in?

/Thanks alot, Padawan./

/For what?/

/What am I supposed to do now? Reprimend you for trying to exceed our mandate? Contradict what I _just said_?/

/Oh...sorry, Master. Please don't lecture in front of Padme!/

"Well, a slight investigation might be implied in our mandate, but our main priority is your safety."

There, that sounded like a compromise...alright, Anakin's comment still sounded out of place, but it was the best he could do.

Padme did not seem satisfied, but she sighed a little and said,

"Perhaps, with merely your presence, the mystery behind this threat will be revealed. Now if you'll excuse me, I will retire."

Dear, _dear _Padme. It was nearly the perfect thing to say, smoothing over the awkward moment and effectively ending the conversation. Obi Wan wondered if it would be possible to send her some sort of 'thank you' fruit basket.

"I know I'll feel better having you here," Captain Typho said as he led Obi Wan toward the security team, "I'll have an officer stationed on every floor and I'll be in the control room."

Obi Wan nodded before looking back at his love-struck apprentice who was at the moment, talking to Jar Jar.

"Mesa burstin' with happiness at seeing yousa again, Ani." the Gungun said kindly.

"She barely even recognized me, Jar Jar." Anakin moaned, completely ignoring Jar Jar's previous greeting and skipping right over to his own personal problems, exactly the way Obi Wan was trying to teach him _not_ to do.

"I've thought about her every day since we parted," Anakin shook his head at Padme's retreating figure glumly.

"She's forgotten me completely."

_Oh, Anakin. _Obi Wan inwardly moaned. _You're a brother to me and I love you very much. But your melodramatic streak is going to be the death of me!_

"Shesa happy!" Jar Jar said trying to comfort the moody teenager, "Happier than mesa seein' her in a long long time."

"You're focusing on the negative, Anakin. Be _mindful _of your thoughts." Obi Wan decided it was time for his Masterly intervention. He was going to make Anakin start checking the security, but Anakin was currently sending him a rather pathetic look. It reminded Obi Wan strongly of a kicked puppy. He looked away quickly, but the damage was done.

"She was pleased to see us," Obi Wan added kindly with a gentle smile.

"She was more pleased at seeing _you!"_ Anakin added sadly, a pout forming.

"You know Anakin, Padme and I have been friends for a long time. So of couse she would be pleased to see me!"

Anakin looked a little comforted by this.

"Besides," Obi Wan continued, turning to start checking the security himself, "How many times do I have to tell you that women always hit on the Wingman?"

AN: Just something silly. I'm in a funny mood. . Obi Wan was a little impatient in this one, but only because, since the Jedi allow attachments, he's probably heard about how wonderful Anakin thinks Padme is a _million times._ And I am low balling. So with this mission...well he's amused and a bit irritiated. I put in Obi Wan's marriage as a little side note to dissuade Obidala, which didn't belong in this particular piece. As for who he married, I'll let you decide...*cough it's me cough cough* :D

As always, reviews would be lovely. They help calm Anakin down so he doesn't embarress himself in front of Padme. :P


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